17/11/2014

Apple’s Latest iOS Update Promises Better iPhone 4S and iPad 2 Performance


Apple  released a minor update for iOS 8 today that could be a major boon for people holding on to older devices.
In iOS 8.1.1, Apple is promising “bug fixes, increased stability and performance improvements for iPad 2 and iPhone 4S.” Those devices, which were released in 2011, are the oldest Apple devices able to run the latest version of the company’s mobile operating system.
Older devices generally don’t run as smooth as the newest gadgetry. The iPhone 4S and iPad 2, for example, run on Apple’s A5 CPU, while the new models use the brand-new A8 processor. All of the bells and whistles included in a new OS come at a price when running on older hardware, though Apple is trying to keep its aging devices from feeling too sluggish.
The iOS 8.1.1 update is free and rolling out to devices today. Just go into the Settings app, tap on “General” and then “Software Update” to get the new download. If you can’t download the update because of storage space issues, here are some things you can do.
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Facebook service aimed at professionals to launch in frew months:Source

San Francisco :
Facebook Inc.'s professional version of its social network aimed at businesses will launch in the next few months,a person familiar with the matter told reuters on Monday.

The world's No.1 Internet social network with 1.35 billion monthly users has been quietly testing a version of its website geared towards workplace collaboration.The service,dubbed Facebook at work.allows users to exchange messages and share documents using Facebook's scrolling news feed and other familiar features from the consumer version of Facebook.

The professional version of Facebook,which could compete with services such as Linkedln Corp.,as well as Salesforce.com Inc.and Microsoft Corp.,would allow users to maintain special profiles that are distinct from their existing Facebook profiles,the person said.Work activities would not be shared on a user's personal profile,and the baby photos,videos and general banter popular in the consumer version of Facebook would not encroach into the professional version.

A Facebook team in London is leading the effort and a small number of companies are currently running a pilot version of the services,the person said.

It is still unclear how Facebook plans to make money from the professional services.Facebook is not currently charging a subcription fee for the version being tested,according to a report in the Financial Times,which first reported news of the service.Facebook currently generates the bulk of its revenue from ads that appear on its existing service.

Shares of Linkedln,a social network aimed at professional users,were down 5% at $222.12 in midday trading on Monday.Salesforce.com was down 1.74% at $62.80 and microsoft was essentially flat $49.54 .

Facebook shares were down 1 % at $74.13 reuters
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List of Words that Describe Behavior

If you are making a list of words that describe behavior,
you might sort them according to the different
kinds of behavior.
People behave differently at home than at work, and in the company of
certain people.
Let’s look at different types of behavior and some words that describe them.

LIST OF WORDS THAT DESCRIBE 

 

BEHAVIOR IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS

Many things can affect behavior:
  • Your mood
  • The people that you are around
  • Things that happen to you
Stress and your physical condition also have a bearing on your behavior.
We are going to look at good, socially accepted behavior and bad or out
of control behavior.
Here is a list of words that describe behavior that is good in social situations:
  • Caring: desire to help people
  • Charming: pleasant, delightful
  • Considerate: thinking of others
  • Enthusiastic: has strong feelings; ardent
  • Excitable: gets excited easily
  • Faithful: being loyal
  • Funny: causing people to laugh
  • Kind: thoughtful, caring
  • Pleasant: polite
  • Polite: exhibiting good manners
  • Sincere: being totally honest
  • Thoughtful: thinking things over 
For the opposite kind of behavior, here is a list of words that refer to
bad social behavior:
  • Aggressive: verbally or physically threatening
  • Argumentative: often arguing with people
  • Bossy: always telling people what to do
  • Deceitful: doing or saying anything to get people to do what you want or to get 
what you want
  • Domineering: constantly trying to control others
  • Inconsiderate: not caring about others or their feelings
  • Irritating: bothering people
  • Manic: acting just a little crazy
  • Manipulative: always trying to influences other people
  • Moody: being unpredictable; changing moods often
  • Rude: treating people badly; breaking social rules
  • Spiteful: seeking revenge; hurting others because you didn’t get what you want
  • Thoughtless: not thinking about the effects of your actions or words

WORDS THAT DESCRIBE PERSONAL BEHAVIOR

The following words describe behavior that is more personal in nature.
The behavior is not affected very much by the company or situation.
  • Active: always busy with something
  • Ambitious: strongly wants to succeed
  • Assertive: being outgoing and confident
  • Careless: not being careful; rushing into things
  • Cautious: being very careful
  • Conceited: thinks he is better than others; arrogant
  • Conscientious: taking time to do things right
  • Creative: someone who can make up things easily or think of new things
  • Curious: always wanting to know things
  • Docile: submissive, does what he is told
  • Extroverted: very outgoing; confident
  • Impulsive: saying or doing things without thinking first
  • Introverted: keeps to himself, doesn’t share thoughts and feelings
  • Inventive: thinks of new ideas
  • Nervous: very uncomfortable
  • Passive: does not argue; does as he is told
  • Perfectionist: wants everything to be done right and perfectly
  • Pragmatic always sees the practical side of things
  • Reserved: keeps thoughts and feelings to himself
  • Serious: no-nonsense kind of behavior
  • Shy: quite and reserved; lacking in confidence
  • Trustworthy: simply worthy of someone’s trust
  • Volatile: changing moods very quickly

MISCELLANEOUS WORDS

Here is a list of words that describe behavior in general.
Following are some words that refer to good
behavior: adaptable, brave, confident, cooperative,
courageous, debonair, decisive, determined,
generous, hilarious, honorable, kind, lively, pleasant,
productive, protective, receptive,
reflective, responsible, romantic, self-assured,
sensitive, shrewd, unusual, witty, wonderful,
zany, and zealous.
The next list of words represents unruly or unacceptable behavior.
They are: abrasive, abusive, angry, anxious, belligerent, boorish, cowardly,
crazy, creepy, cruel, dangerous, defiant, erratic, finicky, flashy, flippant, foolish,
furtive, guarded, jittery, malicious, mysterious, obnoxious, outrageous, panicky,
secretive, strange, threatening, unsuitable, vengeful, and wary.  
Of course there are many more words that can describe the way someone is acting.
Behavior changes as we get older, too, as priorities change and we gain wisdom.
Hopefully the words that you are looking for were included on these lists.
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05/11/2014

(Five tips to Angelina Jolie on surviving a career in politics) Entertainment




1.Try not to marry someone called Clinton. You will find that there    is a glut of politicians with that name on the US market,which is      presumably where you will enter politics.


2.Ideally try not to be married at all. Family and children are              always the achilles heel of female politicians. You will be held        accountable for your family in a way a male politician never            would. And,if you stay married to Brad Pitt,make sure he doesn't    have a secret habit of tweeting pictures of his private parts to            unsuspecting young women. Movie stars may be able to get              away with this,but if you are the partner of a female politician,it      is a certain career killer for her.

  While we are on the subject of Brad,you need to start training           him to sit in the audience at party conventions and gaze up at you     with rapt attention and doe eyes while you are speaking.                   Then,when you actually finish the speech,he should spring to his     feet,get on the platform and hold your hand. Resting his head on     your shoulder is always a good touch. Brad is an actor. He should   get the hang of it.


3. Invest in some smart shoes to give the media something to talk         about. In 2014 the media still insist on talking about women             politicians in terms of what they wear. Recently the Daily Mail       felt not a flicker of shame in covering a whole cabinet reshuffle       in terms of what the women who were promoted wore entering       10 Downing Street to receive the news:

   "The new environment secretary is very patriotic in red,white and      blue ensemble consisting of a snake-skin navy dress and red            jacket oddly finished with black patents shoes. Miss                         Truss,38,MP for South West Norfolk and the former junior               education and children minister,looked bright and sensible but a       little bit too 80's air hostess.
    
   "The new minister for planning and coastal communities Penny         Mordaunt was alone in braving the no-jacket look.This rather           tight,bright,purple dress-the £115 'Viola' by LK Bennett-makes       the most of 41-year-old Miss Mordaunt's figure. But who knows     what's with the MP for Portsmouth North's wrinkly nude shoes         and big bag?

   "Treasury minister Priti Patel,42,must be the first person in that          post to wear giant polka dots-her dress,from high street favourite     Wallis,costs £45. But that navy jacket looks like Ken Clarke was     its last owner and those sensible shoes could have been worn by       Baroness Thatcher. The MP for Witham's bag is the more                 fashion-forward £595 'Hepburn' by Aspinal of London". There         was more of this rubbish,but I will spare you.


4. Keep off the internet. Anonymity and new media have launched       a breed of misogynist  unheard of only a few years ago. They           reserve a particular hatred for female politicians. They are not         interested in debate,just in venting abuse that they would never      dare utter if they met you face to face. So,unless you have an            appetite for rape and death threats,leave the internet alone.


5. Finally,always remember why you went into politics. We live in     an era of unreasoning politician hatred,both in Britain and                America. Everyone has forgotten Winston Churchill's words:
  "Democracy is a terrible system until you consider the                      alternatives." But,if you always remember the people and the            causes that came into politics to fight for,that will carry you              through.


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(Benedict Cumberbatch's 'Announces' Engagement in British Newspaper)Entertainment



He may be a 21-century Hollywood star,but Benedict Cumberbatch is really just an old-school chap at heart.The "Sherlock" and "12 Years a Slave" actor eschewed a publicist-penned statement or even a cheeky Instagram photo to announce his engagement to theater director and actress Sophie Hunter,opting for a simple classified advertisement in Britain's The Times.

Single no more:Benedict Cumberbatch's engagement announced in The Times today.

-The Times of London (@thetimes) November 5,2014
The BBC reportss that the low-key,to the-point notice appeared on page 57 of Wednesday's Times,under the heading "Forthcoming Marriages." The decidedly non-celebrity wording is as follows: "Mr B.T. Cumberbatch and Miss S.I. Hunter.The engagement is announced between Benedict, son of Wanda and Timothy Cumberbatch of London,and Sophie,daughter of Katherine Hunter of Edinburgh and Charles Hunter of London."

Cumberbatch's rep also confirmed the news to People in a statement: "I am delighted to confirm this morning's announcement that Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter are engaged."

The actor,who has been in talks to play Doctor Strange,is currently appearing in the WWII-era drama "The Imitation Game" and generating Oscar buzz for his performance as Enigma code-breaker Alan Turing.  



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04/11/2014

Pemilik Lamborghini Gallardo Lihat Kereta Rempuh Tembok



SEORANG pemilik kereta sukan, Lamborghini Gallardo hanya mampu melihat keretanya yang sedang dipandu oleh pemandu kenderaan tetamu sebuah hotel merempuh simen konkrit sehingga menyebabkan kerosakan bernilai RM818,000. 



 Kejadian itu berlaku di hadapan lobi Hotel Le Meridien, New Delhi ketika pemiliknya, Nipun Miglani sedang menunggu keretanya untuk pulang. Menerusi rakaman kamera litar tertutup (CCTV) hotel, kereta sukan itu gagal dikawal pemandu ketika kawasan tersebut sesak dengan kenderaan lain.
Lamborghini Gallardo itu tiba-tiba bergerak laju melanggar belakang sebuah kereta sebelum merempuh tembok konkrit hotel hingga pecah. Akibatnya, kereta mewah itu mengalami kerosakan teruk di bahagian depan.Pemiliknya, Miglani memberitahu bahawa dia akan mengambil tindakan undang-undang terhadap hotel berikutan kerosakan kereta tersebut. Harga sebuah kereta import dan kos mendapatkan alat ganti di India lebih mahal daripada negara lain kerana duti import.
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Seperti yang kita tahu,blogger memang boleh buat duet,memang boleh buat side income an? sesetengah orang kata,buat ape nak buat blogger kalau setakat nak meluah kat blog dah tu,nak buat ayat cinta segala..asal tak luah kat kawan ker,family ker,apela semuala..kita kenela manfaatkan benda yang memang boleh buat duet..Oh yahh?? bagi sayalah an..sebab saya pengguna blog,warga blog pun sama seperti warga fb,suka maen copyANDpaste..awak buat articles,nanti orang lain copy articles awak..simpan kat blog dia..mcm tulah semua org akan repeat benda yang sama..dah tu ngaku pula yg articles tu dea yg buta,mak aiii..suka hati jerh ann? wuhh tu saya tak kisahlah sebabnya bukan hal saya..yang saya nak mention kat sini tentang blog sendiri even kita buat public..maksudnya spya org lain boleh baca and follow kita ..seperti blog cik abeyb ni,tade yg nak follow,tak kisahla kan? tak menarik tapi kita tak tau sape yg masuk and bace an? just dia tanak follow je .. it ok lahh.. 

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Maksud NOOB

Tadi petang,i text with this gurl,actually child fruit cousin i..Dia kata Noob ..megalong noob..because i kata,megalong nothing..The problem is i dont know maksud NOOB..so i g google,search punya search..i dapat jawapan..


Jawapannya kat bawa ni huh..rupanya di sala ertikan..okay..haha..funny juga bila kita tak tao,then org kata kat kita,and kita layan juga.tapi nasib masa ni,i dpn laptop and terus masuk google.senang je cite.hoho..

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30/10/2014

Aku paling tak suka nama aku di buat mcm ni!





Aku paling tak suka nama aku di buat macam ni ! di kata penipu ?! woii.. aku penipu kah kau yg menipu ? aku taulah menulis boleh buat duit ,dan aku juga tau kau sebenarnya sedang mencari customer !! agak ll lah..mungkin kau sengaja buat tajuk begitu untuk tarik minat aku kan ? aku tak tertarik langsunglah weyh..NAMA AKU kau jadikan bahan tajuk bodoh kau ni..
mungkin bagi kau tajuk yg kau buat ni,mungkin cuma 1 hal kecik,bagi aku nama aku!! aku tak suka di perkatakan seperti itu.
kau email aku biar bagus skit.
aku follow email kau sebab nak follow ape yang patut..

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29/10/2014

Celoteh Untuk Hari Khamis^^

Haii kamu,hari ini tak tahu nak buat apa kat umah,tak tahu nak search apa kat google,tak tahu nak buat apa kat ruang facebook,tak tahu nak pkir apa,tak tahu nak omel tentang apa kat ruang wechat,tak tahu nak chat ngn sape kat whatsapp..BORING TANPA DEAR DI RUMAH NI..
DEAR?? mesti kamu hairan dear tu sape an ?? sebab dalam blog ni saya tak sertakan tentang dia ..tak buat cerita tentang dia..kisah kitorang bukan untuk di buat bahan bualan kat mana ll page beb..tak boleh di jual beli..so itu adalah rahsia buat diri sendiri..F.U.L.L.S.T.O.P
     Jom bercerita tentang benda lain.Kenapa manusia di atas bumi ni tak abis ll menyalahkan insan lain untuk benda yang sememangnya bukan kita buat untuk mereka? kita tak bermaksud pun tentang mereka apa lagi nak kata tentang mereka,tapi turut terasa sama..kenapa??saya pun manusia juga tapi taklah sampai nak terasa benda seprti itu..Lagi ll sekarang ni wechat telah menjadi salah satu lama sosial yang boleh membawa kepada kesalahfahaman..sama seperti facebook suatu dahulu kalah..permusuhan boleh di buat hanya melalui laman sosial tersebut..sampai nak bermusuh dan tanak memaafkan..Lumrah manusia..Dah tu orang lain yang kita tak kenal pun konon ll kenal dengan kita , bercerita tentang kita kat orang lain , nampak gaya macam dah kenal kita lama dari parents kita..sedangkan kita tak kenal pun beb..ada lagi jenis manusia kenal 3 bulan jak,terus menilai kita macam kenal dah setahun padahal baru jak 3 bulan..Patutkah beb?cua korang fikirlah..
Tak fahamlah saya..tapi tak perh lah dah dorang memang macam tu kan..Haha..
       Jom bercerita tentang benda lain.Sejauh mana anda kenal teman ll rapat anda?berapa lama?ingat mereka itu juga belum tentu boleh di percayai..MANUSIA BEB..kita baik dengan orang lain , tetapi orang yang kita baik ll tu belum tentu akan baik ll dengan kita..malahan ,mungkin orang tu akan membrukkan kita,mengumpat kita behind your back beb..becareful beb..
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Pernahkah you all terfikir, mengapa lelaki berlaku curang?… Adakah mungkin kerana wanita lain lebih lawa lagi?

Ramai wanita menjawab, “Nama lagi lelaki…memanglah curang!…tak boleh percaya!” Namun yang nyata jawapan itu tidak akan membuatkan wanita merasa tenang pun. Menyakitkan hati lagi ada. In general, it’s down to individual, actually.

Pada pendapat bro, lelaki tidak mempunyai sebarang sebab mengapa mereka berlaku curang. Mereka tidak mempunyai alasan kukuh, malah jika ditanya dengan lelaki itu sendiri, semua jawapan yang diberi seolah-olah mereka sendiri juga tidak tahu apakah sebab utama sebenarnya.

“Tapi mungkin kerana, pasangannya dah gemuk, tidak seperti di awal perhubungan? ”

If ever bro yang berlaku curang, maybe bro sendiri tidak tahu menjawabnya. You know, kadang-kadang tu bro sendiri terasa nak tergelak mendengar alasan-alasan yang diberi apabila lelaki-lelaki ini tertangkap berlaku curang. Pernah dengar alasan, “I rasa tersisih semenjak kita ada baby…you lebih pentingkan baby dari I…itu yang I cari ’Baby’ lain!”

YES, memang dia orang tahu apa yang dia orang nak…tetapi untuk memberi sebab utama, mulailah terkial-kial dengan berbagai alasan yang tak masuk diakal pun sempat direka ciptanya :-

Kata lelaki, Masa awal-awal dan masih cinta…

“Kalau you busy macamana pun…tak apa, I tunggu.”
“You tak pandai masak pun tak apa, kita boleh makan luar je”
“I akan tetap cintakan you walaupun fizikal you berubah.”
“I suka you sexy, menaikkan semangat I tau”
“I’m a good listener, you can talk about anything to me.”
Kata lelaki, setelah tertangkap berlaku curang…

“You selalu busy…I kesunyian so I cari lain lah.
“You tak pernah nak masak kat I, so ‘makan’ luar lah”
“You dah gemuk…I nak yang slim-slim.”
“Pakaian you terbukak camana pun…semangat I dah hilang kat you.”
“You cakap banyak sangat…bingit telinga I, BOSAN!!”

Aiih…cepat bebenor berubahnya ya…Hehehe…terkena kaum lelaki minggu ni. Tapi relax arrr…bukan bro nak menyalahkan sesiapa cuma bro sendiri curious and wondering, why do men cheat on women?!

Tidak ingatkah janji you all pada yang tersayang dulu-dulu? Mengapa mesti lelaki curang dan sampai hati pulak melukakan wanita?…Ada bro bertanya pada seorang lelaki yang pernah curang dengan isterinya sehingga membawa kepada berkahwin dua, nama dia Tam. “Encik Tam, best ke ada dua isteri ni?”

Jawab Encik Tam, “Dalam 10, sedapnya hanya 1…tak sedapnya ada 9!”

“Habis tu, buat apa Encik Tam kahwin lagi satu kalau macam gitu rupanya?” tanya bro.

“Masa tengah gatal dulu, tak tahu…jadi saya kahwin lagi satu, tapi setelah setahun kahwin, dah ada anak…rupa-rupanya sama aje. Balik-balik jadi macam bini yang pertama jugak!…Sekarang, mulailah nak menggatal cari yang ketiga!”

”Ai, Encik Tam…biar betul!”

“Hehehe…gurau aje..tak larat dah aku pun.”

Jadi, kesimpulannya hari ini, basically…

You berlaku curang hari ini, sedapnya hanya seketika. Hakikatnya, apabila you bersama yang pada pandangan you lawa, cantik dan masih sexy itu…apabila sudah beberapa lama…you akan JEMU jugak akhirnya.

I guess that’s the answer!!…LELAKI CURANG KERANA MEREKA CEPAT JEMU & BOSAN with the same girl all the time. Bila dah jemu, mulailah mencari yang lain. Yang mana sebenarnya, after a while…yang lain itu adalah wanita yang sama sahaja. Kesian orang pompuan!

Nasihat bro kepada kaum lelaki :

Carilah wanita yang benar-benar you suka. Sukakan segala-gala tentangnya. Suka cara bercakapnya, suka lenggoknya, suka personiliti…suka semualah. Kemudian bayangkan yang you akan grow old together…kalau boleh nampak bahagia…then bro pasti cinta akan hadir dengan sendiri, mengikat hati anda berdua.

Nasihat bro kepada kaum wanita :

Pandai-pandailah mengubah scenery kehidupan anda berdua agar pasangan anda tidak mudah jemu. Tukar-tukarkan cara berpakaian, style rambut, ubah cara sentuhan dan panggilan! Pelbagaikan pulak perkara yang dilakukan, tempat yang dikunjungi, persoalan yang diperbualkan. Kalau biasa duduk belah kiri, duduk belah kanan pulak. kalau biasa di bawah, kenalah di atas pula. Kalau semua dah biasa…fikirkan sesuatu agar everything menjadi luarbiasa. Barulah happening dan teruja pasangan anda tuuu…

Alright semua…so, apa pendapat anda pula?…adakah cara-cara lain yang  credit to click sini

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The try not to laugh CHALLENGE!!! 15


Try not to laugh at this almost unbeatable challenge. if you laugh you lose. I have other videos like this on my channel. if you do laugh hit the like button



Abeyb Qayl
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tel.:01126817492
fax:
qayl2013@gmai.com
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Skype Laughter Chain

 watch this video ,gods!!cik abeyb , couple and her cousin tak stop ll gelak tengok yang ni.

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Abeyb Qayl
Networking
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qayl2013@gmai.com
http://bstbloggeryoubeensearching.blogspot.com/
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Meghan Trainor - All About That Bass



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Abeyb Qayl
Networking
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Kisah Iguana Dan Mesin Basuh.

Kisah Iguana.
Shanti: Ama, belikan saya iguana?Saya nak bela iguanalah.
Ibu:Iguana?Hisy...kita nak beri binatang tu makan apa?
Shanti: Alah, ama belilah iguana yanng dekat sangkarnya ada tulis "Dilarang memberi makan".

Cerita Mesin Basuh.
Shamri yang sedang sibuk bekerja tiba-tiba mendapat panggilan telefon dari isterinya, Faridah.
Faridah: Bang, ada berita nak sampaikan.
Shamri:Berita apa? Cepat sikitlah, abang sibuk ni.
Faridah:Satu berita baik, satu berita buruk.Nak dengar yang mana dulu?
Shamri: Yang buruk dululah.
Faridah: Okey...berita buruk, mesin basuh kita rosak.
Shamri: Aduuuhhh...kopak!Kopak duit aku!Berita baiknya?
Faridah: Petang ni kita dapat mesin basuh baru, besar, automatik, 12 kilogram!
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Pelakon Teater & Kisah Akhir Zaman.

Akhir Zaman
Seorang bapa duduk di kerusi taman memerhatikan kanak-kanak rancak bermain di padang. Dia mengeluh..
"Zaman sekarang ni susah kita nak bezakan mana budak lelaki, mana budak permpuan. Sama aja.Tengoklah budak lelaki tu.."kata si bapa tadi sambil menunjuk ke arah seorang budak berbaju hijau yang sedang berlari-lari dengan kawannya.Orang yang duduk di kerusi sebelahnya tercengang, "Itu anak saya. Dia bukannya lelaki, dia perempuan."Si bapa tadi tersipu-sipu. Dia cepat-cepat meminta maaf. "Saya tak bermaksud nak malukan encik.  Maaflah, saya tak tahu encik ni bapanya.."Orang yang di sebelahnya tadi sekali lagi menggaru kepala. "Tidak. Saya bukan bapanya, saya emaknya."

\Pelakon Teater
Dollah, seorang pelakon teater, menghadapi masalah susah mengingati skrip. Malklumlah, umurnya dah meningkat, banyak masalah pula. Puas Dollah berubat tetapi hasilnya mengecewakan. Suatu hari,
seorang pengarah teater menawarkannya berlakon. Adegannya pendek saja, dialog pun ringkas. Dollah pasti dapat mengingatinya.Kata Pengarah: "Peranan awak mudah saja, tapi sangat penting sebab ia aksi pertama sebagai pembukaan pementasan.Bila tirai dibuka, awak hendaklah naik ke pentas dengan membawa sekuntum mawar. Pegang bunga itu dengan tangan kanan, ciumnya dalam-dalam dan berkata,
 "Ahh, harumnya baumu wahai mawar,bunga kesayanganku" sambil tangan yang sebelah lagi didepangkan ke udara. Ingat tu!"Dollah mengangguk. Sepanjang hari dia berlatih bersungguh-sungguh dan mencuba aksi itu berulang kali. Hari pementasan tiba, penonton bertepuk tangan,dewan riuh-rendah dengan sorakan.Tirai dibuka dan tugas Dollah pun bermula. Penuh bersemangat Dollah berjalan ke tengah pentas, kemudian berkata, "Ahhh, harumnya baumu wahai mawar, bunga kesayanganku" sambil tangan kirinya diangkat keudara.Suasana tiba-tiba menjadi kecoh. Penonton ketawa terbahak-bahak. Dari belakang pentas terdengar si pengarah menjerit."Tak guna! Kamu hancurkan teater arahan aku yang pertama ni.Pergi!Pergiii!!!!Dollah terpinga-pinga. "Kenapa? Saya salah baca skrip ke?""Tak!!!jerit pengarah. "Kamu lupa bawa bunga mawar!"
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Permintaan Terakhir Dan Lemah Matematik Punya Pasal.

Permintaan Terakhir
Mutusami yang sakit tenat dikelilingi saudara-mara dan isterinya, Kavita. Keempat-empat anaknya pun ada sama, cantik dan tampan, kecuali yang bongsu-kurus, hitam dan hodoh pula.Mutusami berbisik kepada isterinya, Sayang, betulkah anak bongsu kita ni daripada darah daging abang? Abang hendakkan kepastian sebelum abang meninggal dunia.Abang akan maafkan sayang kalau sayang be..."Kavita memintas,  "Ya bang. Betul, dia anak abang. Saya bersumpah, abang adalah ayahnya."Mutusami mati dengan tersenyum. Kavita pula mengurut dada, dalam hatinya berbisik, "Nasib baik dia tak tanya pasal yang tiga lagi."

Lemah Matematik Punya Pasal.
Kumin didenda supaya menulis perkataan, 'Saya minat sejarah' sebanyak 100 kali disebabkan dia gagal dalam ujian mata pelajaran tersebut. Sepuluh minit berlalu, guru sejarah datang memeriksa buku Kumin.. dia terkejut.."Kumin! saya suruh awak tulis 100 kali, tapi awak tulis 30 kali aja. Kenapa ni Kumin?"si cikgu marah. "Maaf cikgu,"jawab Kumin, "saya ni memang lemah matematik."
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Kisah Cinta Tiga Sahabat.

Tiga sahabat belajar di universiti yang sama bertemu di sebuah kafe.

Tajul: Eh! Saiful. Kalau tak salah, kau dulu couple dengan Wahida kan? Kenapa tak jadi kahwin?
Saiful: Orang tuaku tak setuju. Mereka kata aku dengan Wahida tak setaraf. Wahida anak orang miskin. Err, cinta kau dengan Rini pula macam mana?
Tajul: Sama juga. Orang tuaku tak benarkan bercinta dengan Rini sebab aku dan dia lain agama. Aku   terpaksa putus. Ketika Tajul dan Saiful sedang bersembang, Jojo hanya diam sahaja.
Tajul: Kenapa Jojo? Cinta dengan Liza putus juga ke?
Jojo: Ya!
Saiful: Kenapa tu?
Jojo: Sebab aku dan Liza berlainan jenis.
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Pengaruh Bahasa Jepun Di Dalam Bahasa Melayu [LAWAK]

Suka pemarah-KEIJI CACIMAKI
Suka berjimat-SAYORI SUKAMURA
Orang bisu-KIETA TADASORA
Suka makan nasi-NANACHI KASIBANYA
Suka layan blues-APO NADIKATO
Suka belajar-ASHIKO ULANGKAJI
Kerap buat kacau-WAKASI HURUHARA
Sangat kedekut-MATIMATI TAMOKASI
Kuat tidur-ICHIBAN TIDOMATI
suka mengintai-HINTAI AKOSUKA
Orang tua-TARAGIGI PADANMUKA
Kena tinggal bini-SUSAHATI BINILARI
Suka merempit-SAJA CARIMATI
Lembap sangat-AYUMI CIPUTBABI
Suka campur aduk-HAIK CACAMARBA
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Buku Cerita Sedih.

Seorang suami sedang melepak-lepak minum kopi di ruang tamu pada hujung minggu. Suami terpandang isterinya yang seronok menelaah sebuah buku.
Tiba-tiba air mata isterinya mengalir. Lantas suaminya yang prihatin itu terus bertanya mengapa isteri kesayangannya itu menangis.
Suami: Sayang, kenapa sayang menangis?
Isteri: Saya baru habis baca buku, sad ending...sedihlah bang.
Suami:: Buku apa tu Sayang?
Isteri: Buku bank abanglah!!
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Kisah Si Jojo & Jin.

Sewaktu berjalan-jalan di Pulau Pangkor, Jojo terjumpa sebuah teko berwarna perak terdampar di tepi pantai. Jojo pergi ke arah teko tersebut dan terus menggosok-gosok
teko tersebut lalu...PLING! Maka keluarlah seekor jin berperut buncit. Jin itu ketawa kahkahkah, sambil berkata "Wahai manusia, oleh kerana engkau telah menyelamatkan aku dari
dalam teko ini, aku benarkan kau membuat satu permintaan! Nescaya akan aku tunaikan!"
"Yakah?" jawab Jojo seolah tidak percaya kata-kata jin perut buncit tersebut.
"Adakah engkau tidak percaya kata-kataku wahai manusia?" tanya jin dengan nada marah.
"Bukan tak percaya. Sedangkan tadi aku yang selamatkan kau dari dalam teko, inikan pula kau nak tunaikan permintaan aku! jawab Jojo terus belalu pergi.
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